Garden Wit Gifts

'Off with their heads.'

Snowprov

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

Snowman of the Apes

The Frankenstein snowman.

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'Fancy a swift half?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

Groom decoration on wedding cake makes good his escape.

"What would you serve with toast?"

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

'It's going to be hard to get lost in these woods!'

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Misguided Hairstyles of The Animal World.

"They're bifocal glasses: I can use them to read as well as to see long distance when I'm charging..."

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'Uh-Oh... I better watch my legs! There comes a cook - o - dile!'

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

'Can my own tweets be used against me?'

'Stand up straight!'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

"Permission to reproach the bench" is not an option, counselor. It should be.

If you're going to flap that hard, you need to tighten the wing nuts!