Kitchen Wit Gifts

"Chef, one of the customers is asking where we pick our fresh fungi"

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

'She's only a passing fancy, luv but you're a good cook!'

Lady of the Cake.

Domestic Goddess.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Doggone

Czarcasm

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

Toast: the high energy food

Cake Friday!

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

The Perfect Foil

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'Cooking'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Witch's Brew.

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

The Frankenstein snowman.

Cookery Lesson.

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

"Have you seen that sweater that you crocheted for me?"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"