Culinary Wits Gifts

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Needs more kale.'

'Of course it's high in protein. Just look at this!'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

"And that is how you handle liver!"

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

'Tasty.'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

"The pompano poached in parchment is very alliterative tonight."

Television company new recruit

'Memorable miracles' from 'burning bush' to 'low cal ice cream'

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

"What would you serve with toast?"

"I've got three michelin stars, two for cookery and one for turning up to the interview!"

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

"I'm selling the gingerbread house and buying a food truck."