Wine Wits Gifts

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

The Vineyard

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Snowprov

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

Snowman of the Apes

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Portfolio, 2011

The Frankenstein snowman.

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

The Connoisseur.