Wine Wits Gifts

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

The Vineyard

Snowprov

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Snowman of the Apes

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

The Frankenstein snowman.

Portfolio, 2011

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

"What would you serve with toast?"

The Connoisseur.

Liquor Store - Gift Suggestions.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"