Garden Wits Gifts

Kidney Trans Plant

Snowprov

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Rose Garden

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'That plant food really works!'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

The Frankenstein snowman.

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'Fancy a swift half?'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

Misguided Hairstyles of The Animal World.

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

"They're bifocal glasses: I can use them to read as well as to see long distance when I'm charging..."

Leaf rake - wider than space

'Uh-Oh... I better watch my legs! There comes a cook - o - dile!'

You're not selling those silly upside-down tomato contraptions? I confess. They're fun! Fun? They're an affront to mother nature and common sense. A $3 seed packet grows enough for five families. Why sell over-priced fads? Mother nature never offered to pay my rent.

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

If you're going to flap that hard, you need to tighten the wing nuts!

"Philip Larkin wouldn't like you, either."

Recycled humor.

'...I now pronounce you man and wife -- the ball's in your court.'

I shaved my head before clipping season so the sheep feel we're in this together. Shear and shear alike!