Golf Wits Gifts

'Talk about rough courses!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

Snowprov

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Doggone

Czarcasm

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Have you seen that sweater that you crocheted for me?"

The Frankenstein snowman.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Paper Boy

Knitted Kitty.

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'He never listened to his mother!'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

Death Watch

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.