Workout Wits Gifts

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Yes, also it keeps you fit."

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"Have you seen that sweater that you crocheted for me?"

Shakespeare in the clink

Knitted Kitty.

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

Exercise Car.

"Be nice to people climbing the wall, because you'll meet them again rappelling down."

'Forget it, Mum, I don't support them anymore.'

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

"How's your exercise class going?"

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

"I preferred it when you micromanaged more openly."

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

Old elephants.

Gym. You're lifting weights so you can be in a tape company ad? Yeah, their motto is "a stronger seal."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife -- the ball's in your court.'

How To Flatten Your Tummy

I gain weight every fall and then lose it in the spring. I have a seasonally adjusted figure.

"Shall we run through that half-nelson again Mrs Pickering?"

Knitting Pretty

'Talk about rough courses!'

"You shouldn't have."

"My first choice, of course, is to solve things amicably."