Office Wits Gifts

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"This position has become very important to the company."

I'm a self-made man!

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

How are you at decision making?

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Lovely dovetail."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Your bonus as promised.'

"You're late, Myers!"

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"When you reach the bottom of the pile, you'll find this week's paycheck."

If your ideas are 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration...

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'No good deed goes unpunished around here.'

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."