Office Wit Gifts

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'You look different somehow today - Did you incorporate yourself or something?'

"Can we count on you to give our customers added value?"

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

Office talk: 'I deal with stress management the easy way, I let management get stressed while I take it easy!'

"This is an octagon after cutbacks."

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

'Aside from being a jackass, is there anything else that would qualify you for a position in management?'

"More activity and less time spent on the computer might solve your increased bandwidth problem."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'