Office Wit Gifts

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'You look different somehow today - Did you incorporate yourself or something?'

"Can we count on you to give our customers added value?"

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

Office talk: 'I deal with stress management the easy way, I let management get stressed while I take it easy!'

"This is an octagon after cutbacks."

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

'Aside from being a jackass, is there anything else that would qualify you for a position in management?'

"More activity and less time spent on the computer might solve your increased bandwidth problem."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'That's our mission statement.'