Office Wit Appreciator Gifts

-"People are our second most important asset." -"And our first? Money I suppose."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Cat Burglar

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

Voltaire

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

Management Reshuffle

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

"Think nothing of it, Llewellyn. In every large organisation there are leeks."

Soldier, Statesman, Travel Agent