Office Jest Appreciator Gifts

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Management Reshuffle

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"I hope I'm not embarrassing you, Elaine... I guess I've always been a fool for love."

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'The negotiations were really tough this year...but the good news is that we managed to hang on to ALL the extra work!'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'He's busy right now. I have to put you on hold. Would you like to hear show tunes, classical or easy listening?'

'Your good work leaves me in a splendid position. Isn't that enough reward for you?'

Remember I said, think outside the box.

Ministry of Common Sense

Secretary

'He's so obvious about it.'

'A bit of shush please, I'm about to write them a damn stiff memo!'

"Miss Crutchfield, have you gone mad?"

'Hey, when you announce pay cuts like these, you've got to expect a few howls of protest!'

'Any awards or honors other than bowling trophies?'

'... and sign it 'shovingly up yours'.'

Abacus manufacturer waits for virus to destroy computers.