Workplace Wit Appreciator Gifts

'The problem is that this problem management team has got more members than there are workers who can cause problems!'

"The level of turnover is making recruitment harder than we anticipated...."

'The negotiations were really tough this year...but the good news is that we managed to hang on to ALL the extra work!'

Remember I said, think outside the box.

"Your performance fell short on several points. For instance, I notice that you didn't come in to work... ever."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

I'm a self-made man!

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

How are you at decision making?

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Cat Burglar

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'