Workplace Appreciation Gifts

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Would you all please congatulate...'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"I go that extra mile!"

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

"When I said, 'I want you to sleep on it'. I menat when you go home tonight."

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

"I like this Carl, you've come up with more solutions than we have problems."