Job Appreciation Gifts

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'Must you always bring your work home with you?!'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Would you all please congatulate...'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"I go that extra mile!"

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"I like this Carl, you've come up with more solutions than we have problems."

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

Took On Too Much

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

"When I said, 'I want you to sleep on it'. I menat when you go home tonight."