Workplace Wit Enthusiast Gifts

Announcements will be posted so as not to offend anyone.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Beegly, I want you to give this old college try... you know, cheat.'

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

'Now that your 'peak earning years' have passed, we'll be cutting your salary.'

"We'll give you a call if we lower our standards."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

I'm a self-made man!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'These are job perks.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

How are you at decision making?

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."