Workplace Wit Enthusiast Prints

Announcements will be posted so as not to offend anyone.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Beegly, I want you to give this old college try... you know, cheat.'

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

'Now that your 'peak earning years' have passed, we'll be cutting your salary.'

"We'll give you a call if we lower our standards."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'These are job perks.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

How are you at decision making?

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."