Workplace Wit Lover Prints

'Why is it? You can work hard all day long, but when the boss walks by you're goofing off.'

'You'll learn very quickly. Especially if you don't like being fired.'

'I like the way you tick, Watkins!'

Boss: 'Yes, I did say you had potential - the problem is you don't seem to have quite as much of it as I originally thought you did!'

"I knew there would be a catch."

"I used to be the leader of the management team, until they made me abdicate."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

I'm a self-made man!

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

How are you at decision making?

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."