Workplace Wit Lover Pillows

'Why is it? You can work hard all day long, but when the boss walks by you're goofing off.'

'You'll learn very quickly. Especially if you don't like being fired.'

'I like the way you tick, Watkins!'

Boss: 'Yes, I did say you had potential - the problem is you don't seem to have quite as much of it as I originally thought you did!'

"I knew there would be a catch."

"I used to be the leader of the management team, until they made me abdicate."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

I'm a self-made man!

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

How are you at decision making?

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"