Workplace Wit Aficionado Pillows

"At this point, strangly enough, the entire office lost internet service."

"O.K., show's over, back to work."

'Liz, send someone in. My tip jar is empty.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

How are you at decision making?

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"We're looking for a workaholic with another job that'll provide the pension and health benefits we don't provide."

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."