Workplace Wit Aficionado Pillows

"At this point, strangly enough, the entire office lost internet service."

"O.K., show's over, back to work."

'Liz, send someone in. My tip jar is empty.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

How are you at decision making?

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"We're looking for a workaholic with another job that'll provide the pension and health benefits we don't provide."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

Earl suspends his disbelief.

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'