Satirical Workplace Enthusiast Pillows

'I think we can settle this disagreement, Jane.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

National Boss Monument.

In and Out Tray

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'