Satirical Workplace Enthusiast Gifts

'I think we can settle this disagreement, Jane.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

In and Out Tray

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'