Satirical Workplace Fan Pillows

"Someone's misfiled Harrington."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

In and Out Tray

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Office temperature.