Workplace Irony Fan Pillows

'We all have to cut back - I'm giving up the pleasure of giving you a bonus.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"Cut a few thousand jobs here, boss, a few thousand jobs there, and they start to add up."

'Just when I thought I had weeded out all of the deadwoodl, Weber...I spotted you!'

"Today was Take Your Child To Work Day. I did and they replaced me with my child."

"How can I get mad at him for sleeping on the job? It was me who told him naps were good for your health."

"The training for today is about managing stress, it might help the three of you who I'll be making redundant at the end of the day."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Giving feedback is a complex process.

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."