Workplace Irony Fan Gifts

'We all have to cut back - I'm giving up the pleasure of giving you a bonus.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"Cut a few thousand jobs here, boss, a few thousand jobs there, and they start to add up."

'Just when I thought I had weeded out all of the deadwoodl, Weber...I spotted you!'

"Today was Take Your Child To Work Day. I did and they replaced me with my child."

"How can I get mad at him for sleeping on the job? It was me who told him naps were good for your health."

"The training for today is about managing stress, it might help the three of you who I'll be making redundant at the end of the day."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

Hey boss, in light of all that's been happening in Hollywood and journalism, I just want to thank you. For what? Well, for a long time now, you've underpaid me, overworked me, threatened to replace me with undocumented workers or robots, made me an unwitting accomplice to money laundering for foreign oligarchs ... but you've never sexually harassed me. So for that, boss, I thank you. Only a fool would engage in an unprofitable ... I mean ... immoral ... activity. You're such a wonderful very bad

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.