Workplace Irony Gifts

'I'm starting to think this will be a year without any raises.'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Anxious businesswoman headed to 'another fun day at work'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

'Are we replacing you with a computer? Ha! That's a good one. If we replaced you with a chimpanzee it would be over qualified.'

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"The first of many cubicles..."

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'The trouble with punctuality is that it makes the day so long!'

Office zombie.

'You will have no hope of recognition or advancement. That's why you'll be underpaid.'

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."