Workplace Irony Buff Gifts

"Your new role will require you to take a LOT more responsibility, you'll need to use your initiative and not be afraid to make decisions. Just make sure you run everything past me."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

Whack-a-mole CEO.

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

Casual Friday at the Zoo. Penguins.

'Have you met my vice-presidents?'

'Just because I'm Overpaid doesn't mean You're Underpaid.'

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

"Don't be irreplaceable, because if you can't be replaced...you can't be promoted."

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"Get me some valium please, Miss Minster - I've just been stranded in the lift with the agony aunt!"

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'