Workplace Irony Lover Gifts

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Well this is a tough choice.'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'How do you like the new incentive scheme?'

"Your former boss says you lack empathy - I'm putting you in HR."

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

Corporate Special Effects.

Human Resource department's motto: 'We never sack our own'.

The first item on the agenda is redundancies - anybody want to volunteer?

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Our aims may be high but our sights are low.'

'We're not really sure WHAT he does. He seems to just sit there and glow!'

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

"Never mind doctor, someone's bound to fall ill soon."

"We're one big, loving family here, and we keep it that way with strict impersonality."

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

The Tedious Adventures of Mr. Sloth

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'