Workplace Irony Appreciator Gifts

'We used to be a lot busier - ask Samantha Lushbody.'

'*@#$! I just said "high quality" again.'

Seeing the company had replaced his old desk, John took it as one more hint they wanted him to retire.

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

Peace bomb.

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

dog-come ingo out boxes

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'

'I'm bringing you into the decision-making process, Ruggles. Here -- flip this coin.'

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'