Job Irony Gifts

'Good news, Herndon - we want you to stay on as maintenance man for the computer we replaced you with.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

dog-come ingo out boxes

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'

'We're not really sure WHAT he does. He seems to just sit there and glow!'

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

"Cut a few thousand jobs here, boss, a few thousand jobs there, and they start to add up."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."