Office Irony Seeker Gifts

"I don't like our platitude Perkins!"

"Isn't, 'buzzword' a buzzword?"

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'Just one question: is it billable?'

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

Employment Counselor. That's terrible! What kind of company fires you for taking a day off? A calendar company.

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

'I've proved to the company I can make the tough rationalizations.'

dog-come ingo out boxes

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'