Office Irony Enthusiasts Gifts

"Phyllis needs to stop taking our staff meeting minutes."

'Sorry, but you can't return anything approved by quality inspectors #4 through #27, who were laid off.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

'Hard day at work, dear?'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

'Miss Ryder, I'm ready to start executing.'

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

"I've notices that you seem to be in the office 15 hours a day. . ."

'I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to make CEO.'

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

When he was between Executive Assistants, filing became a challenge for Jonathan.