Office Irony Enthusiast Gifts

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'My door is always open. . . Just don't come in.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Williams, you're giving us only sixty hours of productivity in your forty hour work week...'

Human resources/Dehumanised resources.

'Management is 110% behind enforcing a diversity strategy.'

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

The buck stops here briefly, then goes on its merry way

"So, he turned out he was the boss of me..."

The Serial Redundant

I'll give you my answer tomorrow. Which will be 'no'.

Staff care...DOH style!

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

'We need to downsize so we can afford more attorneys.'

'Sir, we're a real team! None of us knows how to do things right!'

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"Miss Balinger, read this over and tell me what I said."

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

'You say here you're eager to 'push the envelope.' Great! We'll place you in the mail room.'

'Someone at this table is selling company secrets to our competitors.' 'Speak up!'

'I don't suppose you remember me, do you?'

'Don't you think you may have overdone it with the layoffS?'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

"It is satisfying but on some level I feel I'm just repeating myself."

"Now that I've denied your balance transfer and credit-limit increase, is there anything else I can help you with?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."