Office Irony Admirer Gifts

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Now that you've moved in and unpacked, Higgins, we'd like you to start thinking outside of the box.'

'JB, TS is waiting to see you and GR has just arrived.'

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

"But I already asked the other parent company. They told me to ask you."

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

Waste Management.

"He worked his way up from the mail room...from licking stamps to kissing butt."

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

"If you work real hard and are willing to put in the hours, the sky's the limit."

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

'At least I feel better in my mind about why Hartnett wasn't returning my calls.'

"I think it's time I told you my little secret, Miss Bigelow!"

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

'It's so much better since business became computerized -- it was so hard to blame things on typewriters.'

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

"Of course there are still a few loose ends, funding...pensions...workload, but the good news is that we have got a concrete proposal for the new PCO letterheads!"