Desk Job Irony Gifts

'The pay's good and the fresh air is great but, man, talk about a hostile work environment!'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"I was just finishing up some spring cleaning."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'You don't get a raise with this promotion, but you do get to call your work area a 'work station' instead of a 'cubicle.''

Whack, Out of Whack.

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"He said his screen is frozen again."

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

'Remember, Preston, all work and no play make you employed.'

"The first of many cubicles..."

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

'It's about your reports, Mittens. They're incomprehensible -- It's as if you walked across the keyboard, laid down and rolled over it a hundred times, then took a nap on it.'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'Back to work, McFly! You're spending too much time on that screen saver...'

Elevator/Open Range

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

Do not resuscitate.

"It seems that Parker left behind some of his personal demons."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

Department to Control Government Growth - 'We need more room.'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"Oh I don't work here, I just love filling out forms."

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

Think Big.