Desk Job Daredevil Gifts

'Just between you and me, Roy, I don't know how much long I can keep doing this company lightening-rod thing.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Storm in the out tray

Working hours.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Commutobile

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

Working 9 to 5.

'When will I be old enough to have my own people?'

Scapegoat of the Year

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Information. Innuendo

'What does L.B.W. mean?'

Spam in inbox.

Office Park

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Cut and Run

In/Out/How did this end up on my desk?

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

"The first of many cubicles..."

'For the next hour, hold all calls. I'll be practicing tumbling. I have to learn to roll with the punches.'

It's a big misconception. Everyone thinks hell is all fire. Actually, it's all paperwork.'

'Where should I leave this?'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

Digito Ergo Sum.