Desk Job Irony Pillows

'The pay's good and the fresh air is great but, man, talk about a hostile work environment!'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"I was just finishing up some spring cleaning."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

Whack, Out of Whack.

'You don't get a raise with this promotion, but you do get to call your work area a 'work station' instead of a 'cubicle.''

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

"The first of many cubicles..."

'Remember, Preston, all work and no play make you employed.'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

Do not resuscitate.

'It's about your reports, Mittens. They're incomprehensible -- It's as if you walked across the keyboard, laid down and rolled over it a hundred times, then took a nap on it.'

"It seems that Parker left behind some of his personal demons."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Department to Control Government Growth - 'We need more room.'

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"My meeting take away was this chair, what did you get?"

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'