Connoisseur Of Workplace Satire Pillows

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

In and Out Tray

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Water company bonus.

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'