Workplace Wit Aficionados Pillows

'Relax! I've come for your management skills, which you have not upgraded in years.'

'I've had my eye on you, Johnson - You really know how to scurry about aimlessly.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

I'm a self-made man!

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

How are you at decision making?

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'I know that you think you should be the President of this company, Your Majesty. But, you'll just have to work your way up, like I did!'

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'Your bonus as promised.'

"You're late, Myers!"

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

If your ideas are 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration...

Group of people.

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."