Workplace Wit Aficionados Pillows

'Relax! I've come for your management skills, which you have not upgraded in years.'

'I've had my eye on you, Johnson - You really know how to scurry about aimlessly.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

I'm a self-made man!

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

How are you at decision making?

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

Group of people.

If your ideas are 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration...

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

'I know that you think you should be the President of this company, Your Majesty. But, you'll just have to work your way up, like I did!'

'Your bonus as promised.'

"You're late, Myers!"