Work-laugh Wits Gifts

"Oh, no. I brought my dinner plans by mistake."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"We're looking for a workaholic with another job that'll provide the pension and health benefits we don't provide."

Phil, I'm just too depleted to function. I need to take the afternoon off and recharge my batteries.

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'Are these billable hours?'

"If you work real hard and are willing to put in the hours, the sky's the limit."

Thinking outside the box.

'Sorry to interrupt, but what's a coffee break?'

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'Andrews, a parking space will be assigned to you in a day or two.'

"I'm sorry Perkins, but dying at your desk is a strict breach of company policy!"

Economy - 'And this is where you took the day off to watch the cricket.'

'I've always been so busy, I've never taken the time to stop and smell one.'

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

I was awake all last night. Me, too. I'm exhausted. Ditto!! Thank heavens for work. And for today's staff meeting! It's the only place I can sleep!

'If we had a category called 'Super Terrific' your performance would merit it.'

"You have to understand Johnson, the most important thing is not how much time you spend at work...But how much of that time you spend brown nosing me!"

"Tim, you seem to have spent days without a break, you need some fresh air. Why don't you go and pick some litter in the car park."

Lunch break.

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

'Relax! I've come for your management skills, which you have not upgraded in years.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm the one with his head in a pelvic vice!'

"I warned you - if you marry me, you marry the company."

'Must you always be thinking about work?'

"We've got three issues to discuss: our green office waste initiative, the fuzzy Saxby account figures, and that thing in the refrigerator, which is both green and fuzzy."

Friendly greeting machine.

Working at the office. Working at home.

Stop it, slow down...

"Hold on, I just have to send a P-mail."

'I've had a hard day at the office. It's not easy working other people's fingers to the bone!'

'I've had my eye on you, Johnson - You really know how to scurry about aimlessly.'