Veggie Wit Gifts

A real turkey lunch.

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'Is this still America?'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

TV's hot new political show: Meet the Produce. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. Let's be frank. The Republicans have no fiscal discipline. And the tax-and-spend liberals do? We're not ballooning the deficit! Waging war to promote freedom is not free! You stupid rotten vegetable! You're low in vitamin E! Cut to commercial.

If we build raised beds and a compost bin now

Taken genetic engineering too far

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'That chap really knows his onions!'

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

“Children hate me.”

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

'They send you into the ketchup department? HA! I'M going into pizza!'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

"I remember when we wouldn't buy the bent knobbly ones. Now we pay twice as much for them."

'So, that's settled - the eyes have it!'

The vegan hunter

'Look! I grew a carrot!'

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm in a lot of trouble, but it's worth it. There's not enough dirt left to grow spinach.'

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'