Wedding Wit Gifts

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

No, Ernie, it's not an omnious start to a marriage when a bride chooses to "take" her husband's name --- He can still continue to use it.

Bride grabbing groom's tailcoat.

"Is it okay if I borrow the car for a few hours, Dad?"

'That's Lenny Dunkblatt. He was the best man at our wedding, which isn't saying much.'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'Debbie, does this mean it's over between you and I?'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Stand up straight!'

'I'm going to have to take a day off - to get married!'

"No, it's not meant to mean the same as community service."

Groom decoration on wedding cake makes good his escape.

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

Miss America IQ Pageant

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

Conference Room. I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a compliment when the boss said "in every brainstorming session Ernie is a ray of sunshine."

'Always the wise guy.'

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"