Wedding Witticist Gifts

"I always cry at weddings because I'm philosophically opposed to the institution of marriage."

'Could you put a little more emphasis on the 'for richer' part?'

Carrying the golf clubs over the threshold

'He does.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

This is forever... till death do us part...

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

The Aisle

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"You may now kiss the bride."

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"And do you, Bob, promise to treat Karen as well as you treat your vintage 1950 Indian Blackhawk motorcycle?"