Wedding Wisdom Gifts

"The problem with asking people for money as a wedding gift is that they think we are bankers."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

This is forever... till death do us part...

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Parson and abandoned husband

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

The wedding cake as Holy Sacrament.

Groom decoration on wedding cake makes good his escape.

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

'Debbie, does this mean it's over between you and I?'

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'Stand up straight!'

'We believe in resolving a problem as soon as it arises.'

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

"You need a husband transplant"

Just married.

Irreconcilable Differences.

'...I now pronounce you man and wife -- the ball's in your court.'

'I'm going to have to take a day off - to get married!'

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."