Winged Wit Gifts

If you're going to flap that hard, you need to tighten the wing nuts!

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

Snowprov

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

Doggone

Czarcasm

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Miss America IQ Pageant

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Snowman of the Apes

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

The Frankenstein snowman.

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Paper Boy

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

'Fancy a swift half?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

Conference Room. I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a compliment when the boss said "in every brainstorming session Ernie is a ray of sunshine."

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

'Always the wise guy.'

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.