Worship Wit Gifts

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Drive-thru Church

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"You make a great point."

'Are they fresh?'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Groom decoration on wedding cake makes good his escape.

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"A pox on your house red."

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

"How's your exercise class going?"

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

"Freudian Slip"

'Stand up straight!'

Church Parking

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'Debbie, does this mean it's over between you and I?'

Oscar Wilde