Wit Worshipper Gifts

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Drive-thru Church

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

Punch Drunk

Airport

Graph to find your IQ

Stephen Fry.

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"You make a great point."

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'I like it. It's bigger than life.'

Fitness in church.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"You think you're pretty holy, huh!"

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

"Does my brain look big in this?"

Witty Remarks You Can Never Remember To Say During The Meeting.

Boarding House

Broad Minded

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."