Worship Whiz Gifts

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

"Don't forget your gunfighting helmet."

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

Applause

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

Um... Can I get an 'L', Pat?

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

Johann Strauss

Big Berts Brickmaking Academy

"'Thank you for sending us your manuscript,' she exclaimed. 'You're welcome,' I retorted. 'Unfortunately, it's not what we are looking for,' she opined. 'How disappointing,' I remarked."

"Your orders are burning up the system. I love it!"

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

'This damn ??,' - 'So that's computer language,'

Priest and mobile

'We had to discontinue the alphabet soup -- we were getting too many libel suits.'

"Of course, black magic is more expensive than white magic. Do you think that the pigments are free?"

Publication Day for Johnson's Dictionary

"I realise children are learning to use computers at an early age, but this is outrageous!"

"Hardscrabble"

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"I can't go"

Are you rich enough for tax loopholes?

"This is the moment all tech guys hate! When we tell someone their computer can't be saved."

Pithy Helmet

'Hi! I'm Pastor Bancroft and I'll be tying the knot this evening.'

A conductor bows while a one-man-band sits, exhausted.

"It's still October!!"