Worship Wonder Gifts

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after 3 children all day"

Applause

"I had half a date last weekend."

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Church: Open Sundays

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

'He wants some hair restorer for his birthday.'

Curate talking to miners

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'

"This home doesn't have a good view, but it comes with smart windows that change the view to something beautiful."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Hymns - Optional Extras

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.