Worship Wanderer Gifts

Church: Open Sundays

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

Couple of Pikeys.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

Drive-thru Church

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Holy water, holy water...."

"Free why-fi.”

Fitness in church.

Right way

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

'Maybe you just weren't cut out for enlightenment.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"He's mad at God."

"Well, I finally found God. ... God is really good at Trivial Pursuit."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Leaves Falling in Heaven.

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

Wise Man Souvenir Stand.

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

Two words, my friend...Yak dung.

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

'Thank you for calling the guru. If you want the meaning of life, press one. If you want the significance of the Universe, press two. If you want....'

"Sure, he's ascended to a god-like state. But from what I hear, he's still on his family's cell phone plan."

Church Parking

Heavenly Desert Islands.

I intended to be a bum, but family connections and inherited wealth got in the way.

Delivery.

Gregorian Monks: Please turn off your cell phones.