Wildlife Gourmet Gifts

'Anybody bring some catsup?'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

To do before Saturday...

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Too much cilantro

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'